CNN's Borger Says GOP Twits Have No Credibility

CNN Senior Political Analyst Gloria Borger reported today that Republican twits have no credibility.

In her article detailing President Obama's calm and professional leadership in the face of the Somali pirate standoff, she called possible 2012 presidential contender, serial divorcer and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich a twit for publicizing his opinion that "Obama is making a major mistake in not forcefully outlining the rules of civilization for dealing with pirates. We look weak."

Her article starkly contrasted Obama's professional demeanor and leadership with former President Bush's desperate attempts to be accepted as part of the military.  The clear implication was that by speaking without thinking, Gingrich was showing that he would lead more like Bush than Obama.

Continue to the story here

(c) Copyright 2009 All rights reserved

NFL Asks Band Rednex to Change Name

Just because they named their latest single "Football is Our Religion" does not mean that the Swedish techno-country band Rednex are actually rednecks.

The band has turned down a request from the National Football League to change their name to the Pansies.

NFL sent a letter to Mary Joe (Annika Ljungberg) acknowledging that its request, at first blush, might appear "bizarre", but became necessary when NFL officials learned that the song was actually about soccer and not "real football."

But, by changing its name, the band could raise awareness of the lack of manly sports that Europeans must endure, the NFL said in its letter.

The trio, which was founded in 1994 and has since undergone many changes in its lineup, reproduced the NFL's letter in full on its MySpace page.

The musicians said they were "unable to agree" to the request "but we appreciate the publicity that this request provides."

The NFL said that is was pleased the Rednex had drawn attention to the issue by posting the request so prominently on the band's MySpace page.  "I just put 'Cotton-Eyed Joe' on my iPod to celebrate," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

(c) Copyright 2009 All rights reserved

Inspired by

G20 Leaders Seal $1 Gajillion Deal With Dr. Evil

Prime Minister Gordon Brown said there was "no quick fix" for the world economy but there was a commitment to do whatever was necessary.

"This is the day that the world came together to fight back against Dr. Evil, not with words or deeds, but with buckets of cash," said Mr. Brown.

The deal was announced shortly before the European stock markets closed and gave leading indices a significant boost.  Unfortunately, investors quickly realized that Dr. Evil was only likely to invest in industries that would uphold the ethical standards of an evil empire and the markets tumbled.

On behalf of the G20, Mr. Brown announced the following steps:

• Bankers pay and bonuses will be subject to stricter controls unless the banker object
• A new Financial Stability Board will be set up to work with the IMF to provide an early panic mechanism for the financial system
• A common approach to hiding banks' toxic assets from public view
• The worlds poorest countries will receive sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads

A small group of protestors gathered earlier at the London Stock Exchange, but later dispersed when rumors that Starbucks was offering free Grande Soy Carmel Macchiatos to the first 50 protestors.

(c) Copyright 2009 All rights reserved

Inspired by