Bunny, Energizer Holdings to End Sponsor Deal

The Energizer Bunny and Energizer Holdings, Inc. have agreed to end their endorsement deal after 20 years at the end of the year, the hare and the major battery manufacturer announced Monday.

The decision comes as U.S. battery manufacturers face significant uncertainty with retail sales of annoying electronic toys in rapid decline and while frustration with Bunny's endorsement of Duracell batteries in Europe and Australia has been on the rise.

The endorsement contract, reported to pay Bunny $7 million a year, was due to expire at the end of 2008.

Bunny has been featured in advertisements of Energizer Batteries throughout North America, recently saving the eastern U.S. when a power plant fails after an unfortunate coffee-spilling accident. 

Energizer Holdings officials were reported to be frustrated with the popularity of Bunny's more risque Duracell commercials in Europe. 

"I am very proud of the long standing partnership I've had with Energizer Holdings and have enjoyed being part of the company's dramatic product evolution.  We've had a lot of fun together," Bunny said in a statement.

"Bunny has been a great friend to Energizer Holdings and a fantastic asset through the years," said an Energizer spokesperson.  "The timing of this decision and those other activities is purely coincidental."

(c) Copyright 2008 All rights reserved

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A Heartwarming (True!) Holiday Story

Thanksgiving went pretty well, at least until the geysering started. 

I know what you're thinking, geysers are not a traditional part of the thanksgiving celebration. This is true even in San Francisco where all manner of non-traditional activities are woven into the fabric of society. Because, really, when you're staring at a geyser, it's a little difficult to think of things to be thankful for. It's true that the geysers in Yellowstone are awe-inspiring. Although, I have to admit that Old Faithful was somewhat less awe-inspiring than I had been built up in my mind. But I am quite certain that while gazing at Old Faithful I was not overcome with a wave of thankfulness. 

So, as I watched the geyser I found it difficult to think of things to be thankful for. Particularly when the geyser is your house that you moved into less than a week previous. I suppose I might be thankful that the geyser is in the kitchen and not in the bathroom. And I suppose I might be thankful that the geysering started after dinner and not before. But really, a geyser is not the type of sight that inspires thoughts of thankfulness.

I guess that I would be thankful that I was able to clean all of the dishes before the geysering started. The roasting pan for the turkey. The pot for mashed potatoes. The vegetable steamer and sauté pan for the glazed carrots. The food processor for the cranberry dressing. The pan for the gravy. Not to mention the serving dishes for each and our various plates and utensils. Unfortunately, the geysering started just as the dishwasher was full of dirty dishes and every horizontal surface in the kitchen was stacked with the flotsam leftover from our tradition of over-doing thanksgiving.

As I stood in front of the kitchen sink watching a geyser rise up from the bowels of our new home, I was not feeling thankful. However, in retrospect I find many things to be thankful for. I am thankful that the geyser was not so tall as to hit the ceiling. I'm thankful that the geyser was not so wide as to spray out of the sink. I'm thankful that the geyser was of sufficiently short duration that the sink was able to hold all of its contents. I'm also thankful for paper plates, plastic utensils and Chinese take-out.

As to whether we'll keep the thanksgiving geyser as part of our tradition, I'll have to wait until next year to say for sure. But I'll be thankful if it's not.

(c) Copyright 2003 All Rights Reserved

Feds, in Major Shift, Flush Cash Down Toilet

This week's move by the Treasury and Federal Reserve to inject another $800 billion into the financial opens yet another chapter in the government's continually evolving response to the financial crisis.

Add one more acronym to the alphabet soup of financial rescue programs: zero interest loans can't hurt, or ZILCH.  But ZILCH is not just another bailout program.

ZILCH represents a major shift in the Fed's monetary policy along with an effort to streamline governmental efficiency. The central bank has run out of room to lower interest rates, and banks are just hoarding the cash that they've already received from the Treasury.  So the Fed is bypassing the banking system entirely and pumping cash directly into the New York City sewer system to try to revive economic growth.

So far it is hard to tell whether it is working.  Apparently, the cash gets so soggy and nasty that local merchants are reluctant to accept it as payment.  

"There are bound to be some unanticipated consequences of any program that we implement. We are economic experts, not plumbers.  Does anyone really understand what happens when ...  The point is that we have to keep trying until we find something that works. Right now, we have ZILCH, if ZILCH doesn't work, we'll try something else," said Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke.

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Big 3 Scale Back Glitz at Fresno Auto Show

GM, Ford and Chrysler are still showing off their newest vehicles at the Fresno Auto Show, but their new car displays are overshadowed by massive displays of their used vehicles as well as an amazing array of new models and concepts from the Asian and European companies that are eager to take a portion of the U.S. market share.

Casting a shadow on the annual event's glitz was the presence of Bernie McClowsky of Bernie's Gently Used Cars on North Abby Street.  McClowsky was doing his best to sell off his inventory of crappy American iron, but most attendees of the show seemed to be repulsed by his pallid visage and aura of cigarette smoke and cheap cologne.  

Normally, GM, Ford and Chrysler would have had a stronger presence at the show, unveiling their latest lame attempts to keep up with the rapidly moving market preferences by introducing even larger and less fuel-efficient SUVs and trucks.

"Quite frankly, I applaud them," said Al Castignetti, a Nissan vice president. "They are in survival mode, and if I were in survival mode I'd do the same damn thing, except that pre-owned Nissans don't suck like that Pontiac Aztek over there."  

"The auto show gave us some some flak, 'You should do an unveiling' they said," Chrysler spokesman Scott Brown said. "Why?"

BMW's MINI brand started the show a day early by showing off an all-electric version of its incredibly cool cars.  More than 10,000 people have already inquired about leasing one of the 450 test cars that will hit the road in California, New York and New Jersey next year.

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Amy Winehouse Hospitalized for Drug Reaction

Troubled singer Amy Winehouse has been admitted to a London hospital after suffering a bad reaction to drugs, her representative said Tuesday.

"We're pretty sure it was a combination of heroin, cocaine, crystal meth and ecstasy," Winehouse spokesman Chris Goodman said.  Goodman said the rumors of marijuana, vodka, and Tylenol PM were "dirty, filthy lies."

Witnesses called the Winehouse reaction "the most spectacular celebrity drug incident since Richard Pryor burst into flames and ran down the streets of Northridge California."

The Grammy-winning Winehouse has suffered a string of "health problems" including: spending the year 2005 drinking, using drugs, suffering violent mood swings and losing weight; her 2006 free fall into addiction; her hospitalization in 2007 for an overdose of heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, ketamine and alcohol; in 2008, she was diagnosed with emphysema and irregular heartbeat that were the result of chain smoking (cigarettes!) and crack cocaine use. 

In 2008, Winehouse spent two weeks in rehab, apparently in conflict with her hit single "Rehab", and has since been covered nearly head-to-toe with nicotine patches.  "The doctors said it was important to gradually wean her off of nicotine," said Goodman.

(c) Copyright 2008 All rights reserved 

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Spanish Eco-Zombies Created by Solar Panels on Graves

Santa Coloma de Gramenet, a gritty working-class town outside Barcelona, has placed a sea of solar panels agop mausoleums at its cemetery, transforming a place of perpetual rest into one buzzing with marauding zombies.  

Flat, open and sun-drenched land is so scarce in Santa Coloma that the graveyard was just about the only viable spot to move ahead with its solar energy program.

Unfortunately, the power from the 462 panels produces enough power to reanimate five to seven zombies per day - equivalent to the energy consumed by 60 homes.

"We were intending to pay tribute to our ancestors, not reanimate them with clean energy," said Esteve Serret, director of Conste-Live Energy, a Spanish company the operates the Santa Coloma cemetery, develops renewable energy and is now offering zombie eradication services.

At first, parking solar panels on coffins was a tough sell, "Let's say we heard things like 'they're crazy. Who do they think they are? The dead will rise and try to eat our brains!' " said Antoni Fogue, a city council member.  "We thought it was all nonsense," Fogue added.

The eco-zombies seem to be drawn to organic brains leading the local government to recommend that locals eat only unhealthy foods until the zombies can be rounded up.  "They might be the walking undead, but that doesn't mean they can't hustle when you're trying to whack their heads off," said Serret.

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Bush Faults Obama for Not Taking Lead in Righting Economy

As the United States writhes in a collapsing economy, analysts and observers are wondering: Who's skippering the ship?

President Bush, who has been noticeably absent from the machinations aimed at righting the nation's financial course, said "The American people elected that Obama guy, like, almost a month ago and we still haven't seen any clear leadership from him."  When reporters reminded the President of Obama's statement that the United States has only one government and one president at a time, Bush replied "That's not what Dick Cheney told me."

Bush further indicated that the only solution to the current economic was to reduce taxes on the wealthy and to reduce regulation on businesses.  "That's what got us into this mess and that's what will get us out", said Bush.

Meanwhile, jobless numbers are skyrocketing the stock market is plummeting and the banking industry continues to decline, outpaced only by the fall of the U.S. auto industry.  Obama said recently that neglecting to provide relief to the auto industry would be disastrous, but he has done nothing to break a deadlocked Congress of which he is no longer a member.

Said President Bush, "Obama cannot escape this responsibility forever.  The American people deserve better leadership than this."

(c) Copyright 2008 All rights reserved