Critical Sperm Shortage in Britain

Authorities today reported a critical shortage of sperm supplies in fertility clinics throughout Britain.  Nearly two thirds of the seventy-four clinics responding to the surveys indicated that they either had no sperm or insufficient supplies to meet demand.  

Virtually all clinics have reduced their donor standards, with wankers and the barmy now eligible to donate.  Specialists at some fertility clinics are so desperate to secure supplies of sperm that they have launched campaigns and promotions to attract new donors.  

One successful promotion involved each donor being spanked by a woman wearing a French maid costume.  Another clinic which suggested that their clients actually have sex with men has been permanently shut down by NHS.

Sexually-repressed nations around the globe have risen to the challenge by offering Britain supplies of excess sperm.  Officials say that they are confident that donations from the US state of Utah are more than sufficient to get through the near-term crisis.  However, clients at many clinics have expressed understandable reluctance to receive such sperm.  Said one client "I wouldn't mind if my child was a wanker or a little barmy, but I wouldn't want them to be conservative."

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