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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Recession Confirmed by National Bureau of Flipping Obvious

The United States economy officially sank into a recession last December according to the National Bureau of Flipping Obvious.

NBFO Chief Economist, Dr. Paul Pable compared the current economic downturn to postwar recessions, which have averaged nearly 11 months. "The absence of amelioration in current economic indicators suggests the possibility that the current recession may exceed the mean postwar recession duration," he said. 

As if to add an exclamation point to Dr. Pable's announcement, or to emphasize its shocking cluelessness, Wall Street's benchmark Dow Jones industrial average plummeted nearly 8 percent.

Both Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke and Treasury secretary Henry Paulson pledged to use all the tools at their disposal to restore the economy. Mr. Bernanke said that it was "theoretically feasible" to reduce the Fed's benchmark overnight lending rate below its current target of 1 percent. "Although we've been giving away billions for months with no apparent effect," added Mr. Paulson before curling into a fetal position and crying.
 
"Suddenly, it doesn't seem like such a great idea to base our entire economy on having banks lend money they don't have to people who have no means of repaying it," said Mr. Bernanke.
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